Goodbye Arizona, Goodbye childhood

Cutie patootie me when a pumpkin

One thing that some might not know about me is that I was born in Arizona, lived there for 6 years, and even went to Kindergarten at a charter school. Moving cross country to Texas when you are 6 is not as monumental when you are that young, yet in recent years I have found myself thinking about Arizona and my life there a lot more. This is mostly due to me being a senior in high school, reflecting on my life up to this point and the impending "doom" of becoming an adult with turning 18 soon, but it also has to do with a recent development that is causing me to officially say "goodbye" to it. 

My mom and I

My grandparents who lived in Phoenix their entire time living in the US are in the process of moving back to Poland soon. Growing up, I had lots of family and friends in AZ. My uncle, who is now in CA, my family's close friends, who have moved either around the US or back to Poland, and then my grandparents, who are now leaving it for good. I'm the oldest of three, and my brother wasn't born until about 4 months before we moved to Texas, so I found comfort in the family I had in AZ. I spent my days at my grandmother's condo and watching the Polish TV while slurping hot tomato soup and tea in the Arizona summers and begging my Uncle to give me ice cream whenever he babysat me. 

My puppy, Hugo, and I

It's hard to put into words how I feel about this, but I am going to try. You find a sense of identity where you come from, where you grew up, where you feel belonged. Living in Houston for almost 12 years has definitely changed and been a huge part of my upbringing because I spent most of my childhood here, yet that leaves the question of where Arizona fits into the picture. Do I relate to stereotypes from Arizona? No. But I have found that in recent years, I have developed a connection of sorts to things that remind me of my childhood in AZ. My mom used to work at ASU, and one of my last memories living in Arizona was going to a Charlie Brown play at ASU with my parents and laughing at Lucy goofing Charlie Brown with the football, and thinking Snoopy was a cute and funny puppy. Flash forward to now, I have developed a new obsession and love for watching Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving, Halloween, and Christmas specials because not only do they have sweet messages, but it brings this wave of nostalgia back to me. 

Grand canyon state baby

Another strange development is the excitement I have when my mom picks up sesame and poppy seed bagels from the store. We used to live near a Safeway and I remember going with my parents to the store and using the small blue sheets of plastic to grab our bagels for the week, then we would all giggle in the car when we started eating the fresh bagels on the way home. Present-day, bagels are packaged in packs of three due to COVID and preventing people from grabbing the food, yet the excitement of enjoying a bagel after school still remains. 

I learned how to swim in Arizona, I got my first and only pet in Arizona (one of my earliest memories), I remember watching my first Olympics (Beijing 2008 was the first one I remember) and watching in awe of Michael Phelps. Now he lives in Arizona, huh how have the turntables turned. It is a strange situation because when I travel back to Arizona, it doesn't necessarily feel like home or former home, I still feel kinda lost and not super aware of the town, but it is the memories that I associate and took place in Arizona rather than Arizona itself that makes me emotional. 

Me "graduating" Kindergarten, saying I want to become a spy when I grow up

With my grandparents no longer living there, and no more family no longer living there, there is no purpose for us to visit Arizona. The memories of my childhood still remain there, but because I have no more family there, it is like the memories have lost their impact if I were to visit. That is why this whole situation is like a "goodbye Arizona" thing even though my childhood home, school, and the whole state of Arizona still exist and will continue to exist long after I say "goodbye". 

Maybe I am being too emotional about all of this, maybe I am overreacting and just writing nonsense, to which that might be true in some sense. But as I look back at photos from living in Arizona, reflecting upon my life there and how it has impacted me today, I am grateful for my life there, grateful for my family and friends, and I am grateful for the memories I experienced there. Alrighty, time to go cry about how fast time is passing by and how old I am getting. Thank you for reading this blog post and for supporting me as I try to articulate my thoughts.

love,

yo girl emilia

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